We set off on a glorious journey in the spring of 2008. We sailed through the summer and the autumn, the top down and the wind in our hair. The road was wide, the sun bright and the view spectacular. The road became rockier in the winter and through the last 16 months, that rocky road has narrowed and become winding. The weather was bleak, the view desolate. Today, we fell off a cliff.
It was the worst performance since the night we conceded five at home to Ipswich in 2007. We’ve been second best more often than not for the last 18 months. I can live with that. Today we were gutless and lazy; we showed no heart, no imagination and no love for this football club. Actually, I’m shouldn’t say “we”. You and I are Hull City, they are not. Today “they” showed utter contempt for the football club, it was unacceptable.
The temporary management consultant picked a side that had good balance and our best front pairing, plus most of the defence that did quite well against Fulham. We looked weak on the wings in an attacking sense but otherwise should have had enough to compete. The result certainly wasn’t Iain Dowie’s fault. He could perhaps have done a bit better with his substitutions but otherwise, he’s shuffling a deck of bad cards. Even the Joker was dire today.
We started well, that much is obvious. In the third minute Martin Atkinson played a good advantage, Fagan slid Altidore in behind the full back and Jozy hung up a delightful ball that Kilbane headed powerfully into the net. We were at home, we were one up early and the opposition was coming off a humiliation last week. If you can’t put in a performance in those circumstances then you never ever will. Instead of turning the screw, we backed off. We passed poorly, we were shaky at the back, Myhill kicking abysmally and lacking any ability to communicate with his centre halves. Burnley had a front six and two full backs who were comfortable on the ball and we kept giving it to them and letting them work their way into the game. They probed here and there looking for an opening, we were erratic and nervy. We looked like the team who were behind and under pressure. Mendy, Kilbane and Fagan were never open for a pass. They didn’t work space at all. McShane and Dawson are absolutely abysmal in possession and Boateng, who was terrific without the ball, wasn’t particularly good on it. Bullard wandered around, getting the ball and giving it short. In November, he was giving the ball and getting it back, which is his strength; it allows him to influence the game. Today, he passed it and then didn’t see it again because someone either whacked it long or gave it away.
We had a couple of chances to score a second, both came on the break. Altidore won a free kick on the edge of the box that was knocked to Bullard who chipped it up and volleyed it over. It was too good a position for that really; it needed Bullard or Dawson to hit it first time. Then Altidore beat Duff with a delicious piece of skill but Jensen Smothered his shot, the rebound falling to Bullard who couldn’t keep his shot down. Not long after, Burnley got a deserved equaliser, Nugent crossing for Patterson who turned neatly and finished low. It was nice work from the forward but shouldn’t have been possible as he surrounded by amber shirts. Dowie should probably have made a change or changes at half time. We’d been awful. Like Phil Brown, he sent out the same players to continue being terrible. Burnley were slicker than us, the resistance George Boateng had shown died away and we were easy pickings. Leon Cort and Michael Duff should both have scored from a Nugent cross. There was no pressure on the cross and Duff was unmarked on the far post. Mouyokolo did get tight on Cort, Mouyokolo was about our only good performer. The next ball into the box led to a scramble that ended with a foul on Duff. It looked soft but looked a foul. Graham Alexander doesn’t miss penalties. Two-one Burnley. Dowie had sent on Nick Barmby before the goal after Dawson left on a stretcher. Almost immediately a free-kick into the box found Barmby unmarked and he somehow sliced it wide with his left foot. Absolutely dire.
Following the goal, Dowie withdrew McShane, moved Mendy to full back and put Geo wide on the left. It didn’t make a difference; we just weren’t at the races and Geo is a waste of space. You could summon whatever stats you want for the second half, they won’t be pretty.
Number of decent efforts on target? None.
Number of decent balls in from open play? None.
Number of defence splitting passes? None.
Number of times we put together 4 or 5 decent passes? None.
It got worse; a ball out of defence beat Sonko and Mendy. Mendy got back into position against Nugent and then let him beat him in embarrassing schoolboy fashion. He then pulled him down for another penalty. He was lucky not to walk, he’d already been booked. Graham Alexander doesn’t miss penalties. Three-one Burnley. The response was very slightly better but still pretty meek. Hesselink replaced Fagan and at least made our long ball crap more worthwhile. We created a few half chances. Hesselink shot across goal and Altidore couldn’t make enough contact to get the ball in, Bullard fired just wide and Mouyokolo got a great flick on a long throw but no-one reacted. To round off a bad day, Wade Elliott made it four-one in stoppage time with a wonderful free-kick.
If you analysed every individual challenge in the game, you’d find Burnley won about 70% of them. They won aerial challenges, they beat us to second balls and they made the tackles and blocks. Mouyokolo had a decent game. Sonko did the easy stuff OK but looked uncomfortable in possession. Boateng was excellent in the first half but disappeared later on. Altidore was in the centre of everything we did well. He was only involved in the game 4 or 5 times. That says everything. The rest were abysmal. Too many of them have been nothing but a drain on our finances for the past year and a half. They aren’t fit to wear the shirt. As much as bringing in Iain Dowie looks a pointless move in hindsight, you need to remember that Phil Brown assembled this collection of garbage.
So we’re down. It’s not official and the more optimistic among us might still believe in miracles but it’s not going to happen. Today we saw a collection of footballers who don’t care and can’t even believe in themselves. To end on a positive note, I’ve thought of 10 good things about the Championship!
1. Doncaster, Barnsley, Sheffield and Leeds (and Scunthorpe?) are all really close.
2. 99% of our squad will be at their level.
3. Cardiff is a new ground tick.
4. More games for your season ticket money.
5. More Saturday 3 o’clock kick offs.
6. We don’t have to go to Stoke.
7. The players don’t cheat as much.
8. You can sit where you like in a half full stadium.
9. I can’t think of any more.
There is of course the serious question of just how bad the financial situation will be if we go down. At least when we sell all of our players, we won’t miss them one bit. If they gave a stuff about the club, they’d all take a 50% pay cut and try to get us back up again. What a laughable suggestion.
Ratings: Myhill 5, McShane 5 (Geovanni), Dawson 5 (Barmby), Mouyokolo 7, Sonko 6, Mendy 4, Kilbane 5, Bullard 5, Boateng 6, Altidore 6, Fagan 5 (Hesslink).