The Opposition: Bolton Wanderers

The Gameplan
Our season started with some baffling decisions by Ginger Mourinho. Genghis McCann was inexplicably played on the right wing! So with that, trying to predict what Megson will do against your lot is akin to sticking your todger out of the window and trying to shag the horizon. What I hope is that Mark Davies will start, to provide some attacking threat and that Elmander will be given half decent service and thereby, the confidence to work your goalkeeper with some conviction. You just watch though. We'll probably end up with Jussi playing as a holding midfielder or some nonsense.

Strengths
Strength! Hahaha! That's probably the thing that first springs into the mind of every jobbing Fleet Street hack. Apparently, we're a physical side. I'm not so sure these days. We do, however, badger teams and nag them until they either get bored or give in. It doesn't tend to work against those fighting out the Champion's League slots... but elsewhere, we can be sporadically brilliant. Well, over the past 10 years at least. Megson has produced a very pragmatic team in both good and bad ways.

Weaknesses
Our main weaknesses is that we tend to gift victories to teams who haven't won for a while. This is good news for you on the back of a spanking from Spurs. We can provide amazing confidence boosts to teams. Elsewhere, it's hard to say where our weaknesses are. We've got a new back four, so we haven't had the chance to pick over their bones. One thing is certainly true, throughout the XI we lack pace.

Injuries/Suspensions
Ricardo Gardner is apparently out. Otherwise, full tilt.

Player by Player
GK: Jussi - Trusty ol' Jussi. Oversized, flapping shirt and excellent shot stopper. Vital to our success. Occasional lame duck with the ball at his feet.

RB: Ricketts - New lad. Seems alright.
CB: Cahill - The One We Look To For Inspiration. Classiest defender we've had since Bergsson.
CB: Knight - New lad. Bloody tall. Confidence is key.
LB: Samuel - Excellent last season and hopefully will get his place back this weekend.

M: Mark Davies - He can run with the ball and brings energy to the side. He's the only one who fills this role (with the exception of Chung Yong Lee who has only been in the country a matter of minutes). I'll be flabbergasted and irritated beyond words if he doesn't get a look-in.
M: Sean Davis - New lad. Seems alright.
M: Muamba - Great at breaking up the play and will annoy your fans no end. You'll laugh when he decides to have a shot though. Seriously. Watch your pie.
M: Taylor - Was decent last season and has an eye for goal. Could be a threat.

F: Elmander - Confidence an issue here. He's clearly a decent footballer, but the price tag is weighing heavily on his shoulders. He needs to forget that and start relaxing. There's a feeling that he might never score... by the same token... there's also a feeling that once he finds his groove, he could be a goal machine.
F: Kevin Davies - You all know about Super Kevin Davies. He will leave your back four exhausted.

Mof Gimmers writes for The Wanderer.

Click here to read Mof's season preview