Hull City Mad

Last updated : 18 June 2009 By Andy Beill
"'ow much did you say Fraizer Campbell wants?!"
Hull City chairman Paul Duffen's driving ban imposed last month after speeding resulted in 12 points on his licence was removed by Hull Crown Court. The ban was apparently causing "exceptional hardship" to his employees and supported charities.

His role in transfer dealings, such as being able to "chase an agent from Hull to the south coast in the morning and then fly off to Holland in the evening from an airport" according to The Telegraph, makes transport crucial to his work and due to confidentiality he can't use a mobile in front of a chauffeur or train passengers. We hope that's a hands-free kit you use when you're driving yourself, Mr. Duffen...

The fixture list was revealed on Wednesday, sending City to Chelsea on the first day of 2009/10. José Mourinho quit days before the Carling Cup game in 2007, and last season's draw in the league resulted in Luiz Felipe Scolari getting the sack. Surely we can't do the same to Carlo Ancelotti in his first game in charge? The odds appear slimmer than that of the message board users who tried to claim inside knowledge by guessing the opening fixture.

megaphonedare_to_dream: What? No match on 24/05/2010... "Hull City day"? We're doomed!

Newcastle United are the latest club reported to be snatching Fraizer Campbell from City's grasp. He's supposedly "intrigued" by a move to Newcastle and could declare his intentions as soon as next year.

Phil Brown wants to sign goal-scoring midfielders; Paul Duffen says City are focussing on strikers. Brown says he's interested in Marlon Harewood; Duffen says not as far as he's aware. The chairman also ruled out moves for Paul McShane, Dean Whitehead, Amadou Alassane, Gennaro Delvecchio, Gary Lund, Leo Fortune-West, Ronnie Moore, Tiger Beer and just about anybody else linked with City. Our guess is they're playing with the media whilst doing their serious transfer business in private. Either that or Phil Brown's as much in the loop as a pair of unemployed chauffeurs.

Dean Windass officially signed as player-coach at Darlington. He'll return for his benefit match being played by Hull City and Aberdeen in August. Caleb Folan is expected to pip Deano to a place on the bench.

Paul Duffen's latest charity fundraiser backfires as he picks up another 3 points on his licence attempting the land speed record in his Aston Martin on the Clive Sullivan Way. Reminiscent of the two Speed films (if only they were at all memorable), Duffen is forced to chase an agent to the south coast on board a Tiger Travel bus and then hijack a P&O ferry to race to Holland. The crown court once again revokes his driving ban on the grounds that Tiger Travel's prices were causing "exceptional hardship".

speed1 speed2
"Don't let it drop below 70mph or we'll miss out on Sean Davis!" "Oh no, Villareal are in for Marcus Berg! Full speed ahead, Mr. Duffen!"

Hull City MadThis week's "Hull City Mad" was written by Andy Beill.
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